Forever = No Worries (Cristen’s Story)
I was born in October of 1991 and I have two older brothers. In 1996, my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It was really hard to see my mom go from a healthy, strapping woman to skin and bones. I remember when she shaved her head due to hair loss from chemo--I was crying, wondering why mommy was shaving her hair away. She took my hand and ran it over the stubbles saying, “It's OK! Mommy's fine.” Another memory I have is seeing the ambulance at my house as I played at a neighbor's house. My friend's mom was holding me to keep me from running home. I cried “I want to see!” because I thought my mom was dead. Mom died in 1999, two months after my 8th birthday.
After a couple of years, my dad started leaving us kids at home, alone, for hours at a time. Then the hours turned into a night or two, with him calling every so often. In March 2004, I was removed from his custody and moved 21 times from placement to placement until August of 2007, when I moved in with my adoptive mom.
For me, as an adolescent and maturing, physically being "bounced around" really stunk. I was constantly living in fear of “man, how long until I have to pack?” or “why even open the suitcase?” I was becoming attached to people only to be ripped away again. “Back to the starting line,” I would think every time I was moved. But now, I don't have to worry. I have a forever mom and forever home.
What Adoption Did For Me:
I met Paula in 2004 and I really didn't remember her until the KidSake "Bowling" party in November 2006. Then she slipped back into my life. In February of 2007, we started exchanging phone calls while I was living in Arizona. For the next six months, we talked frequently. When my therapist joined in on the phone conversations, Paula told me that she had been looking for me since our brief 2004 introduction. That touched my heart. I was so relieved to know that someone cared about me, that someone had spent three years of their life looking for me.
August 16, 2007 (really early in the morning!), I was brought „home‟ to Des Moines from Arizona! From August until my adoption I had a rough time adjusting to the „real world‟. In November, I was hospitalized and then found out that the date of my adoption could be moved up. The 180 day rule was waived and we set the date for December 14th. Then the adoption was completed.
I am proud to say that I have a wonderful Mother and an amazing extended family. My adoption has given me a new start, a secure and safe start. I thank God for all of this. I don't have to live in fear of "how long until I have to move again?" I am the most calm I have ever been.
PLEASE! Word needs to get out about adopting teens. They need forever homes, too. This has given me HOPE and other teens need that too.
Cristen has joined a group called elevate, a program of Children & Families of Iowa. It is a group of young people who seek to inspire others to new levels of understanding and compassion to the life connection needs of foster care and adoptive teens by sharing their personal stories of hope. Cristen will be able to share her story with others in hopes of making a difference. She enjoys elevate because it helps her feel like she can make a difference in other people’s lives. She tells people that when she was institutionalized for so many years, her voice was not heard and her ideas were ignored. Now she can state opinions and receive guidance on how to make changes for foster and adoptive kids and parents. Cristen is especially concerned about sibling relationships. Because of her adoption, she is now able to connect on a regular basis with her two adult brothers and that has helped her continue to heal emotionally. For more information about elevate and how it is helping youth like Cristen have a voice, visit their website at www.elevate2inspire.com.
From the adoptive parent’s perspective:
I met Cristen in July of 2004 when she was with her first foster family. I have worked with teenagers for 25 years and see kids come and go. Something about Cristen stuck with me. In October of 2005, I got my foster care license and began trying to find Cristen and see if she was available as a foster child with adoption potential. Each time I would hear about her, she would have just moved to a new placement. From 2004 until August 2007, she moved 21 times.
I caught up with Cristen in November of 2006, however she had made choices that required her to be placed in a residential treatment center in Scottsdale, AZ. At the encouragement of her DHS worker, I was allowed telephone contact with her while she was in treatment. She had my cell phone number and could call me at any time. We talked almost every week, and in June of 2007 her therapist joined our phone calls to begin transitioning Cristen to move back to Iowa and into my home (FINALLY!!!).
On August 16, 2007, I picked up Cristen in Scottsdale and brought her 'home‟. The first three months were very challenging, as Cristen adjusted to a home, a family setting, and making many choices everyday. Leaving years of group homes/ residential treatment programs meant leaving set daily schedules with very little freedom of decisions. At first, believing that someone really wanted to adopt her was beyond Cristen's understanding. It took a few setbacks, with consistent, loving parenting to convince her that her life could be different. She could be part of a family, have a room of her own and begin to dream again. She could set goals and achieve them. She could have friends that loved her unconditionally, and would be there for her no matter what choices she made.
On December 14, 2007, I adopted Cristen. The room was filled to the last seat with family and friends. It was a very exciting day, and has changed both of our lives. Adjusting to a "regular" life still has daily challenges, and many daily rewards. Adopting a teenager means that you, as a parent, have a very limited number of days until that child becomes an adult. Each day brings opportunities to encourage, correct, and observe the growth of a young adult.