Cile Cogburn
Adoptions Unit/Washoe County Department of Social Services
Reno, Nevada
I found my son pictured on an online photolisting in 2004 and my inquiry as to his status immediately connected me to Cile Cogburn at Washoe County Department of Social Services (Nevada). I had no idea that we would bring him home to love and raise yet he would forever remain in her heart. Cile was very cautious when it came to determining whether we were the appropriate family for Christian. His history was complicated but she didn’t hold back. She knew he deserved an opportunity at permanency and strongly felt that he could make the transition but, she was very frank about the difficult times we would encounter. She didn’t mince words when it came to divulging his history and she actually did the extra task of going through boxes that had gone into storage to acquire bits of his history (like a photo of him on Santa Claus’ lap as a toddler). She sought out his biological mother – even though he had been in care for more than 9 years - and asked her permission to take current photos of her, and the children that remained in her care. Cile wanted to ensure that my son would be able to connect the dots at the appropriate time. I will always treasure the photos she took that day – and one day I hope that my son will too.
I flew from New Jersey to Nevada to meet my son, and Cile was the first one to greet me. I extended my hand in greeting and she reached around and embraced me in a deep hug, reassuring me about my decision to become a mom to an older child with special needs. Cile’s agency orchestrated a going away party for my son. There were friends from his school, social workers, his very devoted foster parents and foster siblings and possibly a few others in attendance. I was a little surprised by Cile’s emotions because I made the assumption that all social workers built walls around them to protect themselves. But she was very human throughout the entire experience and she juggled being attentive to my needs and concern for the scared little boy whom had been entrusted in her care. The transition was more difficult than I had even imagined. But she never abandoned us. She answered phone calls within a day of receipt and quickly replied to E-mails (and there were so many of them!). She soothed both me and my son’s fears and she steadfastly worked to connect us to the appropriate resources – not an easy task since she was navigating this from 1,000s of miles away.
When it comes to foster care and adoption, we do get to choose our family. And somewhere along the line, either Cile chose us or we chose her. I am hopeful that she will always be a part of our lives. It was gradual but the bond is there. She retained her professional composure, but shared her humanity and compassion. And we are a stronger family because of her. I like to check in with her periodically to thank her for giving me my son. She always responds thanking me.
Sara, Aaron, Christian and Malachi Brooks
Reno, Nevada
“My journey with Chris officially ended on October 20, 2006 when his adoption finalized. Through the generosity and graciousness of his adoptive mom, I remain connected to him through photos and regular email updates. Chris is one of those kids that no social worker could ever forget. The first time I had ever met Chris, he curled up in my lap sobbing. Recovery was slow but sure for Chris and he always asked “Have you found me a family yet?” Years passed and there were few inquiries but Chris but I never lost hope about finding his forever family. Thanks to AdoptUsKids, Sara made contact with the recruiter at my agency and I was asked to talk with her about Chris. No matter what I told Sara about Chris, she kept saying “I want him to be my son. I know he was meant to be with me.” I thought Sara wasn’t listening, or that she hadn’t read all of the disclosure documentation I sent her about Chris’ medical, mental health and educational issues. Sara was not going to be deterred no matter what I said. That unwavering commitment from Sara was what finally convinced me that she was meant to be Chris’ mom.
“Sara made two trips to Nevada and worked diligently at developing a relationship with Chris via long distance. She read books to him on tape, wrote letters, made phone calls, sent photos, and tried every bonding technique imaginable. Sara set up services for Chris and never faltered as I continued to ask “Are you 1000% sure you are prepared for the predictable regressive behaviors and the unpredictable way those behaviors will affect your family?” All Sara would say was “yes” and so I released Chris to her arms amid my tears of joy. Her journey with Chris has been rough at times but he has always remained her son, and she demonstrates her love for him continuously.
“Commitment is, in my opinion, 90% of the battle in adoption permanency. All families face problems but they work it out and stick together. Chris wanted a forever family and that’s exactly what he’s gotten. He was almost 13 when his adoption finalized but he never gave up his dream. I feel like the lucky one because every time I’m feeling discouraged or frustrated with my job, Sara sends me photos or a short email update about Chris and their family and I am quickly reminded about why I love working with children and families in the adoption process.” - Cile Cogburn
Read the press release.