Decide whether special needs adoption is right for you

Step 2

Children don’t need perfect parents, just one or two individuals willing to meet the unique challenges of parenting and make a lifetime commitment to caring for and nurturing their children. One of the advantages of special needs adoption is that almost any responsible adult can become an adoptive parent. Prospective parents do not have to be rich, married, under 40, highly educated, or homeowners to adopt. Far more important are personal characteristics like:

• a belief in adoption and an ability to commit;
• patience and perseverance;
• a good sense of humor and talent for keeping life in perspective;
• a love of children and parenting;
• the ability to roll with unexpected changes, stresses, and challenges;
• the ability to deal with rejection without taking it personally;
• the ability to accept without judging;
• tolerance and understanding for your child’s conflicting feelings and your own;
• an awareness that healing doesn’t come quickly, all wounds cannot be healed, and your child may not attach to your family;
• the strength to be consistent and set limits;
• a willingness to learn new parenting techniques and advocate for your children’s educational and medical needs; and
• resourcefulness.

If you have all or most of those qualities, then ask yourself these questions:

• Do I clearly understand why I want to adopt?
• If applicable — Do my partner and I work as a team? Are we both committed to adoption?
• Does my lifestyle allow me the time necessary to meet the needs of a special child?
• Am I willing to change my lifestyle to accommodate the needs of a special child?

Think carefully about your answers to these questions. You may decide to pursue a different type of adoption, investigate foster care, or realize that adoption really is not for you. Take the time to make a good decision, because it is a decision you and your adoptive child will live with for life.

In addition, before seriously contemplating special needs adoption, prospective parents must honestly evaluate their desire and ability to successfully parent children who have troubling pasts and uncertain futures. Many children who become available for adoption at older ages have not received the early care that kids need to develop a strong sense of security, trust, and self-esteem. Many also suffer from conditions caused by past trauma, or prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs. Children whose backgrounds include traumatic experiences, abuse, and/or neglect may exhibit symptoms of distress such as:

• aggressiveness
• attachment disorders
• attention deficits and hyperactivity
• bed wetting
• defiance
• depression
• impulsiveness
• learning disabilities
• low self-esteem
• lying
• poor peer relationships/social skills

Fortunately, through therapy, medication, and consistent care, children can also find ways to overcome or at least better cope with many of these challenges.

Most children put their new adoptive parents through a period of testing to see if the parents are truly committed or just waiting for an excuse to desert the child as others have done before. To improve your chances of successfully adopting a child who has special needs, be prepared to offer a home environment that combines extra love, support, and attention with clear structure and consistent limit-setting. Parents should also be ready to actively advocate for their child at school, with peers, and within the community. It can be immensely helpful for parents to have a support network or belong to an adoptive parent support group.

The North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) maintains a listing of adoptive parent support groups, as well as other good sources of information about special needs adoption. To request a list of local support groups and other adoption resources, contact NACAC at info@nacac.org.

The information on this page is used with the permission of the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC). http://www.nacac.org/